Dear Mr St James,
or should I call you Ray?
May I commend your poetry
on this rather fine day,
From twice a Proclaimers’ distance
you dispatched affection to your wife,
And with that eloquent utterance
Injected LOLs into your daughters life.
If you go down to the park today
You’re sure of a big surprise
They’ve gone and built a giant wall
You’ll never believe your eyes.
For every local that ever there was
Will never get in for certain because;
Today’s the day the corporates have their picnic.
Every corporate that’s been good,
*laugh* and all of the others too,
Will have lots of wonderful things to eat
And a country of people to screw.
Beneath the trees, where nobody sees,
They’ll plan and plot as long as they please,
Today’s the day the corporates have their picnic.
If you go down to the park today,
You’d better not go alone.
If they kettle you they’ll take your things,
So don’t even bring your phone.
For every cop that ever there was;
Is protecting the rich for certain, because;
Today’s the day the corporates have their picnic.
Welcome to the Church,
The mall has been renamed.
We recognise your guilt,
So spend away your shame.
Welcome to the Church,
We cater for all creeds.
We sell all the latest fads,
And things you’ll never need.
Welcome to the Church,
Please spend away.
We’ve spared no expense,
To help prolong your stay.
Welcome to the Church,
We sell everything you need.
Place your card upon the altar,
And help support our greed.
Welcome to the Church,
We’re a pantheistic union;
Agnostics and atheists too,
Can join with our communion.
Welcome to the Church,
We’ll be with you when you leave;
Our shops are on the internet,
Our tendrils help you believe.
Welcome to the Church,
We thank you for your support.
Your credit cards are overdue,
We’ll see you all in court.
I left my brain in Malta,
Beside a sun-kissed shore,
And now I’m back in blighty
I can’t use it anymore.
Shall we investigate social media campaigns?
Some work; going viral, while others fail to permeate.
Good SEO does improve search engine rating fame
And proper linking doth increase the click-through rate.
Sometimes thing will turn against your planning
And at times attract negative attention
And like Kony2012, appear to achieve nothing
Be gracious, cherish every Twitter mention.
But hashtag wisely, let your campaign roam,
Do not forget to Storify as you roll and tumble
Do not measure success by *likes* alone.
When it comes to point where you might stumble:
If you’re unsure, subvert a meme, throw a kitteh in the mix,
If still unsure then sex-it-up with feminist Ryan Gosling pics.
Dear Giant TCR-1, the one that someone stole away,
How I long for your return, on some momentous day.
To have you back would be delight,
I’d pedal you right through the night,
Ohh Giant TCR-1! Why did you go away?
I locked you up, with padded chain, outside the underground,
When I returned you were gone, no trace was to be found,
I called the police, a crime to report:
“Duly noted.” Was their retort.
Ohh Giant TCR-1! In search; the streets I’ll pound.
The interwebs were scoured for traces of your whereabouts,
Bikeshd, Craigslist, eBay; all sites turned inside and out,
But high or low you were not there,
I cried at nights with sheer despair,
Ohh Giant TCR-1! My best bike without a doubt.
If I open once, you will see my twin behind me.
If twice you pass through the frame
Then you’ll be faced by me again.
Before you pull me and pass on through
The vacant gap I’ll yield,
Consider that each door you use plays host
To worlds on either side
Once you leave the outside to seek what lies within
There is no forgetting that
The door has let you in.
